Breath Again

*gasp*

"I couldn't afford to lose you", he said.

I breathe in deeply and out slowly. Holding back my tears in the eyes.

Staring at the screen for minutes, mind started to question, heart started to be dramatic.

Knowing that I had a big impact from the past and he repeated my history. (not big cases like betraying, of course)

After the past, I've promised myself that I'll never torture myself by staying but I'll hurt myself by leaving earlier from being hurt.

I have to make a confession that I'm not making any comparison btw current and past.

As I always said, truth is always better than finding out things myself.

I rather to be mad at the truth than being in the lowest mood at the truth that revealed by myself.

Yea, being insecure is the Cancer's big no-no thing.

I asked God, "Are You loving me or torturing me?" Or, the karma that I have to pay now because the truth just came out without my expectation. 

I put on more blames on him than the 3rd party as he could have rejected the offer or take no action.

We never bring up the "break up" word in our arguments before.

But, that day I've asked for a turn off. For friends who knew me well, I barely ask for this but when I asked for a turn off means I'm lost and no longer hold with the feelings anymore.

You would be surprised with that but asking for a turn off not because of the incident happened, but him, the guy who I neither doubt nor suspect since day one.

Through days of messing up our relationship, I bet that neither one of us is happy but he's the one who held this on strongly. And from that, I'm sure that he's a taker. Or in another point of thinking, he did consider of my feelings in another way by hiding it since he'd did it. 

So, "I chose to stay with all the right things he had done and not to leave with the one mistake he did." - from The Vow.

I admit that my past almost 3 years relationship's wound is not completely healed yet, and he put in so much patience and efforts to heal me up.

Some of you will be thinking that I'm using him to heal myself and take him as a "float", I'll leave that mindset back to you.

I don't have to explain much as long as we know the love that we gave each other is real.

Words are useless but actions are priceless.

By the way, I have to thank to the 3rd party because our relationship has grown even further after this incident.

And today, we've walked through another half of the 366 (365) days.

Happy 1 year and 183 days, love!

You're the best of my best.

xoxo, 

Random

It has been a while since my last post, I know....
Just give me some time to deal with my 9 assignments which gonna due this and next month.

But I'm here for one purpose.
Moi got something to share!
I've been viewing it for idk how many times...






She's a Malaysian. Don't doubt that. She's an international pianist who participated in 4th Asean International Chopin before. I will never know that the existence of this beautiful and talented lady if babe Junee didn't tell. But she is now currently working at Singapore under MediaCorp while getting ready her debut album I guess. (As what I've read in her FB status.) And she's actually our senior a.k.a. friend's elder sister. Oh fuuuuu~~~~

Here's another other short clip of her.

I will choose her to be my wife if I'm a guy. LOLShe is just too attractive!

Socially awkward- Dealing with people

What's your 1st impression towards me?- A common question that I will always ask my friends who I've known for quite some time.

Quiet, arrogant, fierce, shy, bitchy, polite & etc. - The repeated answers that I got.

Well, I wouldn't deny that I have more than one face. In fact, I have different faces when I meet different people. (Referring to strangers/ friends-to-be.)

Due to friendship's betrayal, I've started to use my 6th sense and observations to make friends. I know it doesn't sounds right but yea, it is.

It's sort of like I have to be convinced by people on why I have to give trust and time to make friends with them.

Sometimes I would just keep quiet because I'm observing and listening the way of that person's personalities and attitude.

My observations may not be right but I don't doubt my 6th sense. Test me.

I choose my attitudes to deal with people on how they treated me. 

So judge my attitudes and not my personalities.

And I've came across this website and taken a quiz. Here's the result.

You are socially awkward 49% of the time.

 

Not bad. You have a fair grasp of social skillitz, but sometimes slip up. You are somewhat more worthy of social interaction than the average person on the street. Have a nice day.

How Socially Awkward Are You?
Take More Quizzes

The Language of Feelings

"Is this how I'm supposed to feel now?"

"I don't know, I'll check the manual."

"And?"

"It says that you're feeling the right way."

"What way is that?"

"It says that there is no right way to feel but, right now, after something like this happens, you do need to feel however you're feeling and that feeling this way, however you're feeling, is healthy."

"That doesn't sound very scientific."

"It has nothing to do with science."

"Does it say anything else?"

"It says you'll break something if you beat yourself up for the way you feel and that you won't be able to feel differently until you've finished feeling this feeling."

"Ok. How long will that take?"

"I don't know. How do you feel?"

Ordinary yet Royal

Everyone knew that I'm happy with my love life after I met my current boyfie.
For your information, bf and I has been together for one year and three months six days and counting still.
And I'm madly in love with him.

Yea, it's just one year and some of you might say,"Just wait for few years later and see."
Right, I can't guarantee that thou.
What I have in my mind all these years is you'll take a lifetime to understand one person deeply, as the old sayings, people change from time to time.

Anyway, get back to the topic.
Throughout this whole year, I've met his friends and he've met my friends. He've met my parents (especially my conservative dad) and I..........
*cough* haven't even really meet his family members.

I know you're laughing and feeling lame like the image above right now.
Well, you can't blame me as I've met my exes parents when I'm with them and this is the first time after so long, I'm not introduced to his family members.
Don't get me wrong, I don't treat this as a problem but just weird. It's weird. LOL

My parents has been asking me whether I've met his family members or not since a year ago.
I know this is crazy, wtf.
It's either I answer them no, because I'm not ready or a smile.
And they'll like,"what? you haven't meet them?" or "this guy must be hiding something." 
(wtf, they actually make me feel anxious bout it as if it's like something big)
So I tried so hint him for the 1st time. *I feel so ....... sucks for asking him to introduce me to his family (in my heart)* HAHAHA

I did and he said,"OKEY, we go now." with a doubting and poker face.
I was like,

Then I found out from his childhood friend that his family is kinda strict.
Or I shall say very strict. HAHA
Soon after that, he started to tell me bout this matter. (He repeated this whenever I say I wanna meet his dad. LOL)
Here he begins, none of his relatives bring their partner back unless they have graduated and own a stable career. Then, they will ask the partner all sorts of questions like we all watched before in the dramas.
And all of them are professions, doctors, nurse, engineers, etc etc and darn rich and capable.
So, if he brings me back now, he might be getting words like,"how are you going to have a girlfriend if you haven't even earn your own money?".....
DAMN STRESS. Not him but me. I'm no doctor, nurse or lawyer. I'm just a business student. FML.
I'm like stucking in a drama where rich family is finding an educated, high status girl to fit in the family. #justsaying
I know I'm the one who stressed myself up.....
But!

TWENTY.ONE.TWO!

Hey guys, how was ur new year eve?
1st of all, I wanna wish all of u a belated happy new year. ;)
Couldn't blog on the day itself due to the studies that I'm rushing now for my mid-sem exam which is going to starts tomorrow! *freakout*
I'm taking a few minutes break for a short update actually.
Had an epic night on the last Friday of 2011 and boyfie had a serious hangover on the new year eve.
However, we still managed to make it to the place where our friends rented and passed our 12am together.
So basically, we don't have a very happening new year eve night like last year.
It was a peaceful night. LOL

So, I've been wondering why every year people will list down a long list for their resolutions and I found it funny. Well,-
It's funny that people don't be thankful for the lesson learnt in the past one year yet they always hoping for the new year to arrive. What's the difference?
It's funny how people said that,"I hope 2012 will be a good year for me." How to define a good year? =,=
It's funny how people use new year as a reason to change themselves. Want a change? We can do it anytime! Don't ddly pls.
It's more funny that how people back to their normal life after a few months or days of determination for their resolutions.
That's what I feel.
Of course, writing down our resolutions has became one of the culture or trend, that I can say.
But don't write an eftin' long one. Think of one positive attitude that can covers up your whole bad personalities or habits.

Alright, I should get back to my sheets of paper...
Wish me luck for tomorrow's paper!

p/s: Hey girl, stop imitating. I'm so sick of it.

My best of the best.

It's Christmas Eve that everyone is talking about today.
First of all, Merry Christmas in advance everyone!
But this is not my main concern, my main concern is to put on a smile on boyfie's face everyday especially today!
Happy Birthday, my macho man.
Basically, all of my plans failed due to the issues I've been dealing with lately.
Had a simple dinner, cake and present.
Hope you don't mind for the unplanned day.
=)

All the way from Amsterdam.

That's the very short update for today. 

I gotta go and get ready for tonight's party.