I GOT IT

Oh people, don't put too much expectation on me.

Oh people, don't worry about things that you're not supposed to.

Oh people, stop putting judgement on what you're seeing from the surface.

Oh people, don't stress me out when you have nothing to do.

I know what to do because this is my life.

At least, I won't let myself fall and die.

PEOPLE

tends to point at your mistakes. (ONLY)

Never appreciate or feel grateful to have you by their side as they thought we're supposed to be this way.

They look on the external and they thought they know us well in the internal but they're wrong.

Totally wrong.

In another point, they care bout us and train us to be better but doesn't mean that they can insult the existence of us.

您以为十年就可以了解一个人吗？

对不起，恐怕你需要一辈子去了解我这个人。

I WOULD LOVE TO BLOG,

but there're too much things in my mind now.

So, good night.

kellyw

可能，或许

可能，有些人觉得这是对的。

或许，有些人觉得很可惜。

可能，这是对我们最好的。

或许，这让我们错过了。

可能，我们会坚持。

或许，我们会回到原点。

可能，我们会习惯。

或许，我们不想的。

可能，我们会忘了一切。

或许，我们还是记住这一切。

可能，我们放弃了。

或许，我们真的累了。

现在的我，在等着对的时候。

然时间去证明这一切。

PERMANENT

"你只是我的女朋友，不是我的老婆."

IS HARD TO BE

Take it heavy? I'm being complain I'm controlling.

Take it easy? I'm being complain I'm happy without you.

I asked, I don't trust.

I care, I'm like a mother.

I curious, I think too much.

I nagged, I'm like a grandma.

I loosen up, you're free.

I tighten up, you're breathless.

I'm afraid, I'm not being support.

I'm weak, I'm left alone.

I put as priority, I'm not supposed to?

It never be easy.

NEW MONTH

Officially June. =)

Is the 1st.

It started off with an "great opening".

Thank you.

WHEN THING GOES WRONG

When we can't rewind to the past,

When we can't correct what we've done,

When we've been treated harsh by people,

When we got no more trust from people,

When we thought we can protect ourselves,

When we thought we can be tough,

When we are in the dilemma,

When we hope people will understand,

But, everything just messed up.

When we wanted to change,

When we wanted to follow,

When we wanted to accept,

When we wanted to listen,

When we wanted to care,

When we wanted to know,

When we missed chances,

And, they wouldn't give u chances anymore.

SURRENDER

Phew~

I just posted a kinda long post to my class's blog. (should be my ex-class now)

I don't wish to leave my coursemates as they're all great.

They got no politics and those negative stuff.

They're helpful and friendly.

Too bad, I quitted A Levels today.

I signed the form today in the office.

I'm changing course to Foundation in Business in Jan 2010.

I'll be in a new environment, new campus, new coursemate, new lecturers.

Oh, I have to get ready from now because I have to study for MATHS!

I hate Maths so much but I got no choice.

I am forced to take Maths if I wanna take business.

Plus, they have English subject too.

English I, II, III. @@

That means I have to write english essay too.

That's..............................boring.

So, I shall start back my English course in Cambridge now.

Everything will change real soon.

I just have one and half month before my course starts.

I promised myself, I must study hard no matter what difficulties I have.

I'll finished the whole course.

It only takes me 4 years to have my own degree or perhaps I'll think of PhD too.(bahahaha, dreaming)

However, I felt sad because I used to log in to Taylor's student portal daily.

As I'm not the part of theirs anymore, I can't log in anymore.

It written, The ID student doesn't exist.

I'm totally down, down, down. (not the song of down)

Although I'm there for only 3 months.

I'm just...............blank for the moment.

I wish to keep in touch with my darlings from my class in A Levels.

I'm officially out from 0906PB6 now.

I'll miss them.

=(

STRONG FEELINGS

Seems like I've been neglecting for whole day.

I always have my lovely Sunday with my family.

At least we always have dinner in the morning.

We'll never miss Sunday breakfast.

Now.......... it changed like wind.

Only some ppl understand.

No more Sunday breakfast nor dinner.

If I have no activities, I'll stay at home and hide myself.

I love to hide myself from exposure to public nowadays.

Not even going out with friends.

I got a real hard comment from lec last week that added more pressure in me.

Always been rejected when I wanna go out so I choose not to go out anymore unless I force myself to.

Had some good friends but now I don't think so.

They're having their own problems so I don't wish to disturb them.

I used to feel the best when I'm at home but not anymore.

I tried to do revision to catch up but everything seems useless.

I can't absorb what I read.

Why? No idea.

I'm just too negative now.

How long will it be?

I wish to know the answer right now.

I wish I'm busy like nobody business.

BEING LIED

Having a very complicated feelings in this sudden moment.

Lies. No matter white lies or lies with purpose.

The person who being lied by the very close person will get a big hurt.

Although the person who lies doesn't feel anything big but the person who being lied will never feel good.

Some people will remain silence as they have no prove or they don't want to destroy the relation between them.

That person who being lied may have knew a lot of things but he/she wouldn't tell it out as he/she choose to trust the person who lied to him/her.

For me, I'm ordinary. I just want honesty.

If u're honest to me, I'll be honest to u.

If u don't, there will be a lot of lies from me.

Deserve my trust and don't let me disappointed.

Everyone just deserve 3 chances from me.

After that, I'll eliminate u from my heart forever.

Means u're nothing to me.

Good Night.

p/s: I'm just too boring and being emo here. =P

CAN I HAVE PEACE?

Stop nagging.

Everything should have a full stop.

IMMEDIATELY!

Thank you.

I'll do my decision with my own.

Thanks for criticize and comments.

I appreciate.

p/s: Will update soon. Start next week.

THE LITTLE GIRL

The little girl is now unhappy.

The little girl is afraid to grow up.

The little girl scares to make wrong choices.

The little girl can't see her future.

The little girl is going to fall.

The little girl has a little boy.

The little girl has a broken family.

The little girl has limited real friends.

I don't know what shall I say here.

I'm totally blank.

I just want my boyfriend. =(

I need a brain wash.

I'm really tired.

I need GOD and my boyfriend to be with me right now.

NO RIGHT

She has no right to control her life now.

She's a weakly small girl now.

She has no right to care.

She has no right to understand.

She has no right to know.

DEEP INSIDE

Once again, things doesn't go smoothly.

Eventhough the busy man, kamsaimie can sense that I got a lot of problems that I kept in heart.

When can I go through all these?

After I ate all of my dad's and grandpa's words, I felt a deep cut inside my heart that no one can feel it.

I'm writting out not to get sympathize but just to express my feelings.

This blog will be the machine for me to release out all of my inner feelings.

I'm in a dilemma.

Should I quit the job? Should I listen to the older ones? Should I be what I wanna be?

Anyway, I need to be tough.

FAMILY VS LIFE

I never thought I can have a chat with my grandpa who really loves me till the max again after years.

He's a real great grandpa.

Although our relation not good as before but I'm glad that he's understanding.

I chatted with dad last 2 days.

I pity him and at the same time I'm angry at him.

I'm really stress to face this family.

I don't know which feelings should I have when I'm facing them.

I'm my dad's princess and grandpa's 1st grandchild.

I knew they care bout me but I have my own situation too.

But when grandpa talked to me just now, I can't express a word except shed my tears for 40mins.

I have to think bout their feelings and myself too.

I don't know which to choose.

Should I let the family happy or I'll be the selfish one just let myself happy?

I'm confused.

p/s: I have to say sorry to baby cause I gonna take pill again. Or else I can't sleep.

ONCE

Once I'm born, I'm related to this person.

I'm being pampered by this person from the day I born until today and days after this.

There was once, I'm very close with this person.

I thought I won't get beaten by this person in my life but this person did once when I'm once.

After that once, our relation just went down until today.

We never talk and play anymore.

We became stranger.

We just talk the important issues but no more joking.

3 years ago before the economic goes down, we started to talk a lot and started to joke around.

But not anymore from end of last year.

Till now we take each other as stranger.

I respect this person very much and want to be the most important person in this person's life.

I want to be the best and don't want to disappoint this person but at last I did.

I thought of nothing bout this person anymore.

I don't care bout this person's feelings anymore.

This person became depressed and pressured once economic went down.

I have no more words to this person after I started working.

We tried to talk to each other but we can't.

Time don't allows us.

This person is trying the best to give me everything and I knew that this person loves me much.

But we lack of communication.

Lack of communication is a big problem.

I called this person just now and this person wants to have a talk with me.

We agreed to talk on Friday night.

So this is the time to blurt out everything with my tears too.

This person is my once beloved DADDY.

NO SIGNAL

I'm currently facing a big problem with my broadband.

It still under construction till this Friday.

OMG!

I can't open up websites except blogger and Skype.

@.@ So death. I'm so lost now.

Still thinking how to spend my off day.

I have to take photo upon request by the company for a long long time.

Should i get my nails treatment and colour again cause i have 5 fingernails need to extend and i seriously need to change my colour nails.

Yea, that's include my toe nails too.

Or I just let my nails to breath for some time cause I've been non-stop changing nail colours since Dec. =P

Had some chat with Bea in Skype just now.

I'm still not sleepy. Can i take sleeping pills?

Argh.. I hate insomnia.

I'm so frustrated right now.

My LCCI account certificate. (I'm so headache with it)

I got nothing to do and I need someone to talk to but then I don't have one.

As if all of the people were death.

Ohya, for X-Murnians:

Sorry that I can't attend the gathering on 26th cause I have to work. Sigh. I hope I can see u guys real soon. But then u guys can come to Pav to have lunch with me. =P

Last but not least, I took some photos during working time.

Just random:

p/s: My eyes got infection so I have to wear my ugly, aunty specs. I think I have to get a new one soon.

Things that I have to pay and buy:

1) BIOTHERM products (I've tried them and they're real great! Not using SKIN79 anymore)

2) Contact lens that ordered

3) Secret pressie

4) Heels

5) Clothes

6) Damn IZZI Broadband

7) Restock my make ups product

So obviously I'll be broke these 2 months.

Ah Gor will be coming back soon! I miss him. <3

Alright, I better get 2 sleeping pills to get myself to a wonderful dream land.

I hate you. Damn. Good Night.

EMPTINESS

Heart is numb with all kind of feelings now.

These feelings called E.M.O.

What I've learnt were people always being materialistic includes our own family and friends.

We shouldn't depend things on other people.

I felt that nowadays people just taking each other for granted and being so selfish.

But did they ever think how sad and the disappointed when they being betrayed by someone?

No, they didn't. They just wanted to satisfy themselves at that moment.

I admit that sometimes we should be selfish and love ourselves more but depends on the situation.

Being selfish by not hurting or disappoint someone's feelings.

Betray caused revenge.

Revenge became war with each other.

Soon, one will be the winner and one will be the loser.

But what's the point when both of them are getting hurt during the war?

Why people don't share and co-operate like the old times people.

I know people change but I believe that a person should change to a good one not the bad one.

I don't understand the people in this reality world.

That's too scary.

I don't know who's wearing a fake mask and who's not.

But then life have to go on.

What to do?

LIMITED

Everyone has its limit.

And I'm at my limit which I'll let things be.

And what it wanna be, I won't look for answers anymore.

Not the limit of anger but the limit of knowing why.

Though I can do nothing other than carry on, but don't blame me for the same thing I did.

Telling the truth ain't that tough but man can make it tough.

The biggest part of my life but I'm not the biggest part of the life.

Tired of finding solution to hold on my inner part of feelings.

Being selfish is a good thing but not much people can do that cos of soft-hearted.

As I said a lot of times:

Words are easy to speak, but action was the most difficult thing to prove.

It may takes a longer time to prove perhaps but not overload time.

For example:

A smoker who wants to stop smoking. He need some time to stop. It may takes him for a month or two. If he has the heart to stop, he can stop in this short time or else, it can drag him till he's dead.

Think of it.

Don't simply make promises when u can't make it.

U know the word of "promise" were a big word and it can influence a person to trust u 100%, then make it true.  

No one knows how the real feelings.

Being sweet and lovely will make the time flies but suffering and tired will make the time slow down to 100 times.

Anyway, carry on with the cycle of life. Not to waste a life that created by GOD.

Remember, limited is exist.